I feel like a shell of my former self. I used to go out, be involved with things, have opinions and all the other things that people have. Something changed and it happened so gradually that in the beginning I didn't think there was anything different but now I can see it. The only thing I seem to be able to do well is sleep.
Going to doctors doesn't seem to help either. Not that its stopping me, but I hate sitting in the waiting room knowing that when I get in there and tell him my symptoms that I'll get brushed off, like all the times before. Or, even worse, prescribed some sort of anti-depressant that I don't want (and didn't want in the first place) and make me feel physically worse than I did when I arrived.
If these drugs work for you, great. I just know they don't for me. I've tried a couple different ones and I'm of the thinking that whatever problems I have that are causing me to feel like this will only be masked and only when I deal with said problems will I start feeling better. That is my stance and in no way am I telling anyone that my way is the right way. Everyone is different and whatever it is that someone else may be going through is their situation and only that person can figure out what's best for them.
What do I want out of things? I just want to be happy. Overall, grand scheme of things happy. To get there I would love to see the return of my appetite, my sense of humor and the desire to leave my apartment every now and again. I have a lot of work to do and my fingers are crossed.
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